Stories of Interfaith/Intercultural Life

While organized religion was not a part of my upbringing, there were and are definitely strong interfaith influences from many different people in my life. Rather than being taught one faith or two faiths equally, I was raised to follow the “hippie spirit” and my parents looked at who I was as a person and helped guide my activities to flow from there.

My mom was raised Catholic and told me of the terror of the Catholic school nuns who turned her away from the faith of her childhood. My father was raised in a Conservative Jewish household and he told me about how boring and forced his Hebrew school experience was. By the time my parents married they were each living lives without the influence of their religious upbringings. My parents planned a non-sectarian wedding so as not to offend anyone in their families and there wasn’t much pressure or many questions from either side. Soon after they were married, my parents moved from New York to the Bay Area’s Peninsula.

The pressure began once I was born. It was very difficult for my maternal Grandmother to know that I wouldn’t be baptized and it was unfortunate for my paternal Grandmother that my mother wasn’t Jewish and therefore I was not a Jewish grandchild. As an only child given a lot of attention I was a total opportunist. I enjoyed Passover, Easter, Chanukah and Christmas all without any religious messaging. When I learned about the Holocaust at a young age I feared for my Jewish friends but I didn’t picture myself as a potential victim. But then when Chanukah rolled around and the Jewish kids’ parents were to give a presentation to our class I embraced my Jewish background. I felt so lucky that I wasn’t restricted to one religion and that I could benefit from the perks of both.

I didn’t really notice faith or religion until middle school when all of my closest friends were doing after school CCD programs and having so much fun, meeting new kids from other schools (read “cute boys”). I felt left out and realized I was missing out on a special and warm community. So I tested out a couple of churches with friends and the families I babysat for. I felt very uncomfortable during Communion sitting in the pew alone while everyone else went up with their family. Part of me really wanted to get baptized to feel like I was part of this special ritual, while another part of me was really glad my parents had left baptism up to me and not done it for my mother’s family when I was a baby.

I tried out a Lutheran Church for nine months and I even joined the choir. My parents would take turns dropping me off and picking me up at Church for service and for choir practices but they did not personally want to participate in organized religion. I always felt very welcome but I also felt alone without my family participating with me. The Lutheran religion was not a perfect fit for me and so I decided to try out Judaism. Unfortunately 12 years old was an awkward age to join a Jewish youth group while everyone else was preparing for their Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. It was really hard trying to discover religion on my own but this was a chapter in my life that helped define me and helped me understand my own beliefs and inner spirituality.

When I went to UC Davis I felt a strong pull to Judaism, many of my closest friends were Jewish, and thrown into a new setting maybe I reached out to familiarity. I dragged my best girl friend and my Jewish boyfriend with me to Hillel for the very first Shabbat dinner. That dinner led me to join the Jewish interest sorority Sigma Alpha Epsilon Pi and to become a permanent and active member of the Jewish community. I took Jewish studies classes, participated in countless lunch and learn sessions with Rabbis and took a Hillel B’nei Mitzvah class to satisfy my cravings for a Jewish education. My sophomore year I was so lucky to experience a Birthright trip to Israel and I felt a strong connection to the land and people.

By my senior year I was so Jewish I was elected Jewish Student Union President and now, even though my mother is not Jewish and I haven’t converted to Judaism or had a Bat Mitzvah, I consider myself Jewish. I serve on the board of Hillel at Davis and I am a member of the Women of Congregation B’nei Israel. I plan on raising my children Jewish and not giving them an initial choice like I was given. My interest in Judaism also sparked a renewed connection to Judaism for my father. Because we’re such a close family I don’t think my mom feels left out. In fact she’s a member of the Foster City JCC and is looking forward to my (far in the) future Jewish wedding!

Now that I understand the meaning and purpose of every holiday they mean so much more to me. I’ve given up the Christian holidays because I feel that celebrating them commercially is disrespectful to the Christian religion. I appreciate my carefree childhood learning to love holidays for the relaxation, celebration and time with my family. I’m so glad my parents gave me the opportunity to choose for myself. I often wish I had a religious upbringing because now I feel so far behind my peers, but I don’t think I would have appreciated a Jewish education then as much as I do now. I wouldn’t change a thing about my upbringing because it made me who I am, a strong individual who appreciates choice.

Growing up in an interfaith home taught me to appreciate diversity and that everyone is special and unique. At the same time I want to settle down with a Jewish man so I can have a partner in raising my kids in a Jewish home. But I do think people should participate in interfaith dating because it teaches you so much more about yourself and humanity than sticking to people with the same background.

I think parents of different faiths who live together and are raising children should make a decision early on and stick to it. It worked out well for me to be raised “nothing” and to choose for myself. I believe any way of raising children with a consistent message will be successful.